Letting Go of a Romantic Relationship

Dear Allyson, 

 Awhile ago, I was in a romantic relationship with this girl. Our connection seemed deeper than words can explain. Where we once trusted each other and spoke openly, the relationship ended with us not speaking to one another and parting ways without much communication. We see each other from time to time at parties of mutual friends and I feel the vibrations of unresolved karmic ties. How can I let go of these ties? Should I address them in order to heal them? Could unresolved, lingering feelings disrupting the flow of new divine relationships for us both. Should we meet up, hang out and be together for awhile to clear this? 

 Are romantic relationships a "trap"? Isn't “romanticizing" a false interpretation? Or can a romantic relationship offer a platform for manifestation, like using our imagination for goal setting in order to accomplish things with a partner? Do you think a romantic relationship distances oneself from spontaneity and personal creativity in union with another person? 

 Thank you so much for reading, and for providing space for questions to be asked. 

 Blessings, 

 Matthew

Beginning and End by Allyson Grey

Dear Matthew, 

 Thanks so much for writing. 

 If there is no blame, completion can happen anytime, even in the midst of a relationship that is ongoing, or even in your mind alone. Addressing your own responsibility, how you were being that was a catalyst for ending something that started out well, may be a way toward healing. Pointing out the character flaws of others can be almost universally counted on to end badly. 

 Victim consciousness says, "It was her fault that the relationship did not work." 
 Cause consciousness embraces responsibility for the relationship not working. 
 A victim is like a bug under a pin — no movement. 
 Being at “cause," we can take action. 

 Even if you do meet and talk, write a letter for your eyes only, and clarify your feelings. Reread. Edit. Repeat. The better you make this story the closer you will be to letting the whole thing go or knowing just what to do with your feelings. Consider especially what you could have done to either grow the relationship or end it as friends. 

 The book by Martin Ucik, Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men, which “... integrates the socioeconomic, biological, psychological, developmental and spiritual dimensions of love relationships into a comprehensive map that allows men to meet women with integrity, strength, understanding, and kindness at their level of consciousness.” The charts and graphs are thoroughly revealing and can identify problems in a relationship in a structural meaningful way.. Did one person want more intimacy and dependence while the other needed more passion and freedom? We highly recommend this book. 

 Romanticizing means having an idealized or unrealistic vision, perceiving that a person or circumstance is better or more appealing than it may seem to others. There is nothing “right” about being realistic and it closes off miracles which always come as a surprise. When both partners describe each other as “the apple of my eye,” or ”my better half,” or “a lucky find.” THAT is an ideal relationship. Alex and I call this the “Too Good For Me” theory, characteristic in the best and most enduring couples. Goal setting with a partner means sharing a vision of the future and living into your passions. To be fulfilled, goals must be followed by definable actions, even if the entire map toward that goal is ever changing. 

 Stay clear of a relationships void of self-expression, lacking support for core values and personal goals. You are responsible for your creativity and spontaneity and an ideal relationship would support and further that. 

 Let us know how it turns out. 

 Love, 

 Allyson